The time I publicly destroyed a bigot in Starbucks

This might sound fake but I assure you, my life is stranger than fiction.

Me, minding my own beeswax: I’ll get a large warm milk please!

Some guy: *under his breath* Warm milk? Get a life.. they don’t even sell that here

Barista: Actually yeah we do sell warm milk, does that bother you?

Some guy: *Rolls eyes* imagine actually drinking that

Me: I don’t have to imagine *grabs my warm milk and takes a good sassy swig*

The guy: *Notices my ace pin* Oh so you’re an aceggot? So you just don’t get laid? That figures

Me: Yup, I’m a proud “aceggot” and that has nothing to do with my preferences in beverages

Woman behind me: Did you seriously just call that person an aceggot? What kind of world are we living in!?

Me: Yep, I’m used to it though.. That’s what you get for being openly asexual it seems!

The guy: I’m literally a gay man and I won’t let you Jesus freak aces shame me for having gay s*x, people like you are hurting my community. I’m gonna go have S*X with my boyfriend

Me: Uhhhh buddy you were the one shaming me for buying warm milk and now you’re shoving the image of s*x down a sex repulsed ace’s throat… Not a good look. And yes, I’m a proud Jesus freak!

Woman: I’ve been an out asexual woman since the 80s and let me tell you, mr. Gay, we have done nothing but further acceptance for your community and carry your community on our backs.

Me: You have the nerve to talk down to an asexual elder? Really?

Barista: *Throws water on the bigoted guy*

Barista: Well… I might lose my job for this but at least I can say it was worth it

Me: *picks up my warm milk and pours it on his head*

Bigot: I HATE ASEXUALS AND ASEXUALITY. YOU ARE NOT EVEN HUMAN.

Me: *loudly and proudly* Another warm milk please, on the house! I think I’m owed it

Barista: You know it!

Bigot: *storms out crying*